The "Get Out Of Your Car!" Fund

Friday, October 4, 2013

There is therefore now no condemnation

Mama said again that she feels so good having someone helping her with the house renovation.

Mama went to the house with a contractor a few days ago. Daddy called and asked, “Is the contractor still there?” Mama said, “She just left.” Daddy asked, “What are we going to eat tonight?”

I laughed when Mama told me this story. We would expect Daddy to ask, “What did the contractor say?” 

However, I think Daddy is depressed and weighed down with a lack of self-forgiveness. After the house was damaged 8 years ago, Daddy got physically sick and angry with the world. He took the little money they got from the house insurance and spent it on “contractors” who had no plans and no expertise. The money was gone in no time. Eventually the utilities were turned off because they couldn’t afford to pay them. That’s when my sister, Sasha, stepped in and told my mother, “You don’t have to live like this.” So, my mom went to live with Sasha, and Daddy eventually followed. He came to visit Sasha's house one day and just never left. That was like admitting defeat.

I think he still feels defeated.

How do I approach the subject (since he will vehemently deny feeling bad about anything)? 

I want him to know that he is not defeated. That the past is the past and no one is thinking about the past. We are all moving forward. Fortunately, God has blessed us with the resources to get the house repaired now and we should ALL  be excited about that. We want him to take a lead in this project and give input all the way. Just accept his children’s help as a gift because we love him. 


I talked to Daddy shortly after this post. Like I thought, he listened carefully to every word I said, then denied feeling guilty or being uninvolved. But he vowed that I would see another side of him from now on. A few weeks passed and there was no change. 

Well, today is November 27, 2013. For the past week, he has been accompanying Mama to meet contractors and stated that he likes tan bricks for the retaining wall better than gray bricks. Sasha was as amazed as I was to hear that he had an opinion about something. This is the old Daddy. It's nice to see him coming back. 

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